Lost in Thought

It's been a bit since I last wrote, so I figured I'd jot a few things down and get caught up on my blogging. I really enjoy blogging but the time just isn't always there. Today, however, I'm sitting solo in my office during lunch after enjoying some leftover spaghetti and am choosing my blog over looking at these prints.

This past weekend I had the opportunity to spend some quality time with my girls. I chose not to hit any of the races over the weekend but to just stay close to home and spend some time with them before the season hits hard and heavy. Amie had plans Saturday night and that meant that it would be just me an my girls. Really, I was looking forward to it. I got up early Saturday, put my time in on the bike and had that all out of the way by 10:30'ish.

I had all these great expectations as to what my evening would be like. Between the four of us, it seems like something is always going on. I wanted to this weekend to be special and a time of smiles and laughs and chasing each other around the house. Well, it wasn't. It was almost the opposite of that. Emily is teething right now, cutting molars, and just about requires being held all day. When she's not being held she's learned a new cry and it is very loud and sounds like she is extreme pain. Addi, is almost 4 now, and loves her little sister more than anything in the world. However, she feels like she has to show her how much all day long by hugging and kissing on her. Which is great, really it is, I know one day that won't be happening. But right now, that kiss on Em's hand, the hand that Addi just pulled out from under Em while she was crawling just made Em bite the dust and in the few moments she wasn't crying, she is now. That's how the day goes. You have all that going on and then you try to mix in a load of laundry or dishes or dinner and it just adds fuel to the fire.

Needless to say, I wasn't the father I hoped I would be over the weekend. It seemed like no matter how much I tried or what I did something always happened to turn the tide on things and someone was getting in trouble. I have a little thing called a "temper." Both my girls now have this so called "temper." It's something that I have in check 99% of the time but when I slip that 1% it isn't a moment to be proud of. Mostly it's something to be ashamed of because I over reacted and could of stopped it had I just walked away for a minute. It's not physical or abusive or anything but a little over kill for girls as young as mine. Maybe, when we hit the teenage years there will be a time and place for it. But not now. It's something that I actually pray about every day. That God would just help me to control it and at some point get it out of my life.

A friend of mine recently posted a blog that I've been thinking about ever since it hit the board. More specifically, I've been thinking about these three sentences, "Fathers have a HUGE impact on how there children see and view God. And for me that is certainly true as it is for my three sisters. The impact that my father had on his children was and is far reaching."

I don't know that I feel exactly the same way, as I don't know that my dad had a direct impact on how I think of or view God. None the less, those three sentences have been on my mind since I read them. If that is true for some people, then it might be true for my girls and I want them to view God as a kind, loving, and forgiving person. God is someone who protects his children and He also disciplines his children. But that discipline is more of a loving discipline rather than harsh. This is an area of my life that I need to work on. My girls mean the world to me and if my actions in anyway prevent them from finding Jesus or knowing God's love then what good have I done as a father. I need to be the daddy my girls need and lay down a good example for them to follow. One day, hopefully, way down the road, my little girls will be bringing a boy into our house and I will see the mistakes I've made over time in that boy because that is how my girls are going to think they should be treated. Hopefully, I'm the best daddy and I'm someone my girls can be proud of.

To close all of this, I want to say I have never been the husband to think my wife's job of being a homemaker, domestic engineer, or stay at home mommy is easy. But after this weekend I want her to know what an AMAZING job she is doing. She's the glue that keeps everything running as smoothly as it does. Sweetie, WE love you!